i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
