you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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