I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
