I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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