you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
