The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
