I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
