some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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