I just threw up on my dentist
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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