So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
