i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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