Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
