Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
