He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
