No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
