I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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