hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
