Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish you could order shots online.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we're so committed to being not committed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
