You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are we still banned from the library?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
