I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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