listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
