i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
