im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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