I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
