if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
