what day is it and did you see me today?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
