Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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