You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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