I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
