Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
