I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
