Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
