Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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