I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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