also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
