Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
