My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
