I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
