If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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