So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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