I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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