btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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