these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
