Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
