Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
