I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
