she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
