just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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