Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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