MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
