i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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