I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
