I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
