he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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