i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
