garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
