i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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