Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
