Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I enjoy the company of your penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
