Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
