Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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