he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
