I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
