I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
