dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
